Thoughts: Pansexuality (the ability and willingness to be in more than one healthy relationship (most often two) at the same time) what do you all think of it. I don't think it's a problem (I'm with a pansexual girl, and she has another boyfriend at the same time as me) but I want to hear your opinions.
Posted by Anonymous on April 30, 2009 7:59 PM
19 comments:
Honestly, it kind of sounds like a way to cheat with permission, but I've never known a "pansexual" person, so I can't really comment.
the way it was explained to me pansexuality is the ability to love anyone regardless of gender-identity or biological sex. some even define it as being gender-blind as they do not see the gender of the person, but rather they see the whole person.
my pansexual friend is more against cheating and multiple partners then most homosexual or heterosexual or any other orientation.
granted that is just one person.
i would agree with the above poster and say that your girlfriend is using it as a glorified excuse to cheat.
check out Wikipedia if you dont understand my definition.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pansexuality
yeah, uh, good luck with your "girlfriend"
i have to say though, you shouldn't give your heart to someone who wont be equally as careful with it as you are with them. and unless you have another relationship then you shouldn't put up with someone who is willing to juggle your heart and someone elses, someone's heart is going to fall-- and its going to be yours AND the other persons.
right... sorry about the rant.
Yeah, I believer what you're referring to Polyamory (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory), which is different. If your girlfriend doesn't know the term, I would be worried.
whoops. XD you're right anon2 and anon3. i mislabled because i was tired. Polyamerous is what i mean, and my gf does know both terms. polyamory is what my post is about
Personally, I hope the person I'm with loves me enough that he wants solidarity. It does seem like an excuse to cheat to me, as well as extremely passive aggressive.
But if you don't mind it, that's fine. As long as you and your partner(s) are comfortable, there's nothing to discuss....just use protection ;)
From a practical point of view, it increases STD risk.
i like that our generation is becoming intelligent enough to recognize STD risk. that's a GOOD sign.
my gf is the kind of person who really wants her part of the country to get out of the "abstinence only" sex ed. she knows sooooo much about STDs; her mom works at a hospital and she gets tested very regularly
even if she does get tested regularly the average incubation period of any infection ranges between two to three weeks.
you are still at risk.
i understand that, and she ALWAYS uses protection. because of her personality (finding out EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING) and her mother's job i would even hazard a guess that she may know more than you. she's the most safe sex person i've ever met, and she lives in the south on top of that which is an "abstinence only" sex ed place. and i'm not at risk right now. i won't see her until the fall, and i can guarantee she'll have been tested several times before that.
ah this is a long distance relationship, another leaf is overturned.
it may just be that i am slightly of the jealous type but in the relationships i've been in that i haven't seen the guy, i'd have a hard time with him having friends that are girls let alone another girlfriend.
granted this is different than you because, a) i am a girl, b) i've been cheated on so i'm a bit on the cautious side.
note- i do not do anything about this, i just cringe, i don't say anything, nor do i forbid him from doing anything, like i said, i just cringe.
it sounds to me, because she is in another state/ town i'd say that she either is simply unfaithful, told you both and wants you to be okay with it, or believes she's something special because she's interested in more than one person at a time, (although they wont admit it freely most people have crushes when in a serious relationship.
it also sounds like you're reluctant to look for something better, this is where things get confusing. maybe you don't believe you could find someone who likes you as much as you like them, maybe you dont think you deserve someone who'd only have eyes for you, or maybe you like attention, and this is some sort of twisted bragging rights, maybe its none of the above.
i dont care why, i really dont, you and her are in this HOWEVER i do think you should delve deeper into the reasons why.
unless you honestly discover that you are in the relationship because you really really really love who she specifically is.
and she's in the relationship to be in a relationship with you (which i'm pretty sure she's not 'cause i think she'd only have eyes for you, or be willing to only be with you.)
point of this epic rant is--
in my eyes your better off with someone else.
I figured someone would be like this, and I agree with you on some counts. There are people who would use this to be unfaithful and I know that. Before she and I even considered a relationship, she told me this stuff, and I also know other people who are like her in this sense (I've even considered the fact that I'm poly, so I'm a bit closer to the overall situation than you may think)
And I also have considered getting with other girls in the meantime extremely seriously. I have a ton of extremely sexy friends who I would date/have a fling with in a second. I'm choosing NOT to because I do genuinely love my current girlfriend.
Another thing is she and I have talked extensively about it both before our relationship and during, and we're both on the same page about it. Her other bf and I know about each other and are ok with her being with the other as well.
I'm not the kind of guy to cheat, and I know cheating when I see it on both sides because, believe it or not, I've been cheated on too. And....I should have seen it. I've learned from it, and I know that this isn't cheating. Cheating/being unfaithful would also just require it being secretive. What's the point of being unfaithful if everyone knows about it unless you actually ARE polyamorous? I don't see it, and I don't understand the people who feel the need to be unfaithful. If you're not happy in a relationship/feel the need to be unfaithful or cheat, what's the point of staying in it? I know my gilfriend is poly and I accept her for it.
And just so you know, I just created this discussion to see how many people do think it's an excuse to cheat. I'm not trying to change opinions, I'm just curious as to what said opinions are. I will respect your opinion as long as you respect mine.
It seems to me that you are trying to justify polyamory to yourself by explaining/ advocating it to people who disagree with you.
You also seem a little defensive...no one seems, in my opinion, to be disrespecting your choices, but are simply hoping to keep you from getting hurt. Or the Syph. :)
i think you said everything in these two sentences " I have a ton of extremely sexy friends who I would date/have a fling with in a second. I'm choosing NOT to because I do genuinely love my current girlfriend." your choosing not, if she felt the same way she'd choose not to.
i dont know how i feel about polygamy so that may be influencing how.
all polygamy seems like an excuse not to commit completely to one person.
the other thing you say is you have a lot of attractive friends, why dont you put your relationship with this -glorified cheater- here after called GC. on hold for a few weeks, just a few weeks well you date one of these other attractive girls. even if its not about love, because you still love the GC. it would be a good experiment for you to be in a relationship with someone who cares about you and is willing to, for the moment be with just you.
the other thing you say that i find important is "i'm not the type of guy to cheat." and yet a few lines before you say that you may be poly too.
being polygamous is cheating, no matter what way you slice the cake. even if you know about the other person its still cheating.
i applaud you for not being the type of guy to cheat. congratz. some day, when this mess is sorted out, that will make some girl really happy.
my brain is fried, sorry for any incomplete ideas or lack of organization, i may or may not explain what i meant later.
i wish, for your sake that your girlfriend was pansexual
I am defending my position because there is more to it than people understand, and well...in writing you can't always tell if people are attacking or not, which is why I indicated I'm not attacking other opinions, and is yet another reason I'm defending my opinion. The only things I'm saying are wrong are things that factually are misconceptions with my situation. I won't go into general ones because that would get into disrespecting opinions, simply because we all need to explain our position. Silly humans we are. But I've been in a GLBT group where polyamerous people are supposed to be accepted and...I would never tell someone who's poly to go there because they WOULD be treated badly by the kids all because of general misconceptions. The adults were all good, but the kids were nasty and it's all because of misconceptions.
And on that note to sort out some terms: Polygamy and Polyamory are completely different things. Polygamy can be within Polyamory but Polyamory is not automatically Polygamy.
This and previous comment are OP
and ironically last poster: my gilfriend is pansexual we think on top of being poly, so the biggest thing she usually faces is "being greedy" and hogging all the guys/girls for herself.
ok OP, I'm confused...what is your purpose here again?
You said it was to see what people think of polyamory, yet your have been responding to posts, invalidating your "survey"...
So really you're trying to find out who thinks polyamory is cheating, so you can convince them they're wrong with facts?
I agree with the poster a few above this...you seem like you're trying to defend yourself. Otherwise you've simply taken it upon yourself to expand the vocabulary of random teens who come on this blog...which, while admirable, does not seem likely.
Here's my question: So, you're girlfriend is poly. What are you, and do you want to change that?
It is ok for you to love a poly woman, but to not be ok with being poly, and thus choose not to be with her.
i was curious as to what people were saying and if i wanted a survey i would have created a survey. i wanted a discussion which is why i chose this. i did not open this up for me to teach people terms. i wanted a general discussion about it and it turned into something about me and my girlfriend. not my aim, but it's become that, and that's why i'm defending my position.
lets address three more things you said, shall we?
first
"I am defending my position because there is more to it than people understand"
that may be the case, however instead of explaining what more there is, your being defensive. you aren't being offensive.
what is it that we "dont know" (be careful because i may know more than you ignorantly assume)
second
" And on that note to sort out some terms: Polygamy and Polyamory are completely different things. "
i do know that, and like your slip up originally when i typed those words i was sleepy, and spell check doesn't like me.
third and finally
"my gilfriend is pansexual we think on top of being poly, so the biggest thing she usually faces is "being greedy" and hogging all the guys/girls for herself."
that really sounds more like a bi-comment. bi is liking both genders. poly is liking people DESPITE genders.
and on the being greedy note--According to the 2000 census, there are between 25 and 28 million teens in the United States. she cant be dating them all... or even most of them i would say that the greedy comment comes from a mind of ignorance and intolerance. after all she is from the south, a place that has been through out history less tolerant of the glbtq (and everyone else)
ANd this still remains a discussion about me and my girlfriend. Again I say NOT THE PURPOSE OF ME MAKING THIS!
And pansexuality is, technically speaking, a form of bisexuality, to some people. Ultimately my gf doesn't know if she's bi or pansexual, she generally goes with bi, and that on top of her being poly makes her "greedy" and "a cheat" in many eyes. Anyone who actually knows terms and the actual circumstances of polyamory and bisexuality and/or pansexuality knows that you can't be dating everyone, but people are dumbassas. I"m sorry but people are. People fear and turn away what they don't understand.
This has all gotten out of hand with this I won't be commenting on this anymore. I"m sorry if I trod on any toes with stuff, but this did turn into an attack on me and my girlfriend as far as I'm concerned.
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